Hey you,
Today’s topic is food.
Oye.
Food and I? Well, if we had a relationship on Facebook, it would be “it’s complicated”. I really love food. I love the smell, the texture, the colours, the variety, the chemical experiments that involve cooking/baking, etc. I mean, think about it… you pour several different things into a bowl, mix it around, plop pieces of it onto a tray, heat it up, and bam… cookies.
It’s f’ing magic..
I don’t cook enough of a variety of stuff as I’d like, but I make do and we get by. I can put together a pretty mean pasta sauce, as evident by my stomach/hips. The bf and I cook almost every night. We only eat dinner out maybe two or three times a month. This is mostly budgetary. Maybe once a month we’ll order pizza, like last night. We actually recently discussed how to make better use of our time, both for ourselves, and our time together. Cooking dinner every night came up as a time suck, so we’re working on it.
I know many suggest to pre-plan meals. To make big batches of stuff once a week so that you can easily have it ready to heat/serve/eat. I might explore that option and see if it’s worth attempting on Saturdays (unfortunately I work every Sunday, which seems to be the preferred food-prep day for the week).
But here’s the thing. It’s not just the time, or lack thereof, that makes food complicated. It’s the love and the need for food contradicting with my desire to not be 50 lbs overweight. I’ve lost 50 lbs via a ‘leading weightloss program’ let’s call it, and then rather quickly gained back 70 lbs. Then I later lost 30 lbs via a ‘fad diet’, and eventually gained back 40 lbs. I keep thinking and saying that I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life now, and then my body is like…. no jk, you can keep going, here’s another 5 lb… um… thanks?
It’s difficult for me to restrict myself. I already restrict myself in many other ways financially, so I want to allow myself to not be restrictive at least somewhere in my life, and I choose food I guess… Dumb.
I can not have a conversation about food without a conversation about weight.
I’m the kind of person who needs to eat until I’m full. I know the science. I know it takes time to feel full, and I need to give myself time. I know I can have smaller portions. Eat several meals throughout the day instead of big ones where I indulge from being too hungry. Speaking of too hungry. I’m certain that I get hypoglycemia. I have actually fainted before from not eating. I also get panicked anxiety, dizzy, weak, etc… and I know I just need a piece of bread or something and I’m fine. It happens very suddenly, and it is actually kinda scary. Bodies are weird. I don’t know how to prevent it other than to eat more often, but I don’t want to eat more often because weight.
I know I could just eat more vegetables and fruits, and less carbs and sugars, but I try and it doesn’t work, and I don’t want to. I just don’t. *stomps foot*
I told you it’s complicated.
♥ Daphne
Same Old Daph 